Just the other day, on the way home from school amidst our daily conversations with my kids of, ‘How was your day?’ and ‘What did you learn today?’ my daughter candidly announces that in her practice SAT’s papers she got 6 out of 32 questions. My initial reaction was to come down like a ton of bricks and bombard her with questions… WHAT? WHY? And HOW?
But I didn’t… I knew my knee-jerk reaction would only leave me feeling angry and disappointed and my daughter with low self-esteem and confidence. She continued to add that she didn’t understand the questions and guessed all of the answers, I saw the huge amount of courage that it took for her to tell me the truth and had I reacted negatively I knew in the future she would be reluctant to approach me and we’d struggle to have an open and honest relationship.
Instead I said, ‘6 is good, how do you feel about that?’ Deep down I knew she wasn’t happy with her results and in essence what I wanted to do was challenge her disappointment in a positive manner and direct that energy towards her making an effort to work harder and take her coming SAT’s more seriously, which I can say with conviction she doesn’t!
Failing is part and parcel of life. They are inevitable and are part of a process of making us smarter, wiser and greater in whatever stage we are in life. As a parent we feel pressurised to ensure our children do well and we measure their success with our parenting skills and how well we‘ve brought our kids up. Needless to say, while our nurturing goes and shapes our children to a certain extent and impacts their behaviour, actions and intelligence but also consider that the environment and company they surround themselves in also play a role in developing their minds and not forgetting that some children are naturally blessed with a higher IQ.
So how do you react to your child’s failings (if we should even call it that)?
Feel free to share any ideas and tricks of the trade. Can’t wait to read them 🙂
Also, share it with others too!